Californication --- The Depths Of Idiocracy
by ScatterBrainedInk
Summary: Hank finally is happy. He's marrying Karen. The woman he loves is together with him. Or, is it? Meanwhile, Hank is called by Runkle, to be told Charlie needs help with a debt to loansharks. What is real? Is there any hope for Hank to truly move on? And how stupid can people get? Please review!


Finally.

Everything was okay.

God... it took so long.

So much time and so much pain. He wasn't sure how long he could take it anymore. Karen... my sweet... beautiful Karen, finally. Hank smiles brightly, turning to view himself in a mirror. He was wearing a nice, expensive dark suit. His hair was perfectly combed to the right. He looked like an idiot.

He didn't care.

The door opens, and Runkle steps inside. The bald, little weirdo never looked any happier either. "Come on, Hank. You'll be late."

"Is she ready?" Hank turns to face him.

Charlie nods.

They leave the room, and walk on one of the most beautiful hallways. It was peacefully empty. Just him and his best friend, his best man, heading for the wedding.

This is it.

No more Bill. No more nobody.

Just him and Karen. Forever.

After the ceremony, Hank and Karen burst through their room's door, kissing deeply and passionately. Their hands held each others bodies together as if they would simply shatter if they wouldn't do so. Her white, beautiful dress shined a blue light across the room. She pushes him on the bed, and throws herself on top of him.

"I love you so much." She states, planting each soft kiss on his lips, holding him softly by the cheeks.

"I love you too. I always did. I always will." He kisses her back, and puts his hands under her skirt. He never wanted a marriage, but Karen was worth it.

She was the one.

She sits up on his hips, caressing her wonders across his crotch "Tell me again."

"I love you."

She giggles.

A bright light enters the room. Hank raises a brow, dazed, Karen wasn't phased by it.

...

Ugh.

Head hurts.

Throbbing like hell.

What the fuck just happened? Did we get nuke'd? Because knowing Hanks luck, it wouldn't seem out of the ordinary.

He opens his eyes, and that bright, powerful alien light comes over him again. Fuck.

Slowly as ever, Hank looks around. The weight of the world drops on his shoulders for the moment he realizes it was all a dream. He should've fucking know it.

Where the fuck was he anyway?... oh, yeah. His car. Parked on a remote location, just near Santa Monica. And, there was something incredibly light using his bare crotch as a pillow. He looks down to see a risque dressed young woman sleeping and snorring loudly. So loud it made his head buzz in pain.

"...Hello?"

He attempts to wake up her up. Nothing. Hank sighs and gives her a light tap on the head "You alive?"

She starts to move some, and coughs. Hank is relieved. Just an ordinary morning in the life of Hank Moody.

She was a mid 20s brunette, with fat lips and slutty make-up. Shit.

"...You owe me 300 dollars." Was the first thing that came out of her pretty little mouth.

Hank stares at her. A hooker? Really?... he went down there before, but... he never woke up this bad. "...300?" He repeats, then blinks

"What, you deaf or something?" She asks, annoyed, giving him a heavy glance with a bash of her beautiful eyelashes which started to come off.

He doesn't look away from her for a second, everything just taking a moment to sink in his hammered brain. Right. The money. He searches for his pants, which were thrown on the small seat in the back of the car. The rest of his car was the temporary home to an empty bottle of Jack Daniels, an used condom and some cigarettes. Picking out the money, he hands them to her. She quickly snatches it, tides herself up some and leaves the car.

Hank sits there. His head slowly arches back some to watch the sky.

What a fucking nightmare.

After a few minutes to waking up, he puts on his pants and hits the gas. To where? He didn't have the slightest clue. L.A. Where else?

His cell rings. Hank answers "Who the fuck is it?"

"Hank?" Charlie speaks into the phone

Hank groans, not in the mood for Runkle really "What the fuck do you want, Charlie?"

"I need your help, man."

"What? Your boss caught you beating off again?"

"It's serious!"

Hank rolles his eyes "What did you do now, you retard?"

"I..."

"...Well?"

"It's not -that- big of a deal. I just owe some... money... to some loansharks." He speaks into the phone, Charlie's voice gapy and out of breath

"...Some? -Some- money? What the hell are you talking about, Runkle?... how much?"

He sighs, and doesn't respond for a moment "One million."

Hank gets shocked by the debt "What the fuck, Runkle?!"

"Hank, please?... I need help. They said... they said they'll rape me, man."

"Rape you?"

"Fuckin' rape me, Hank! I never went to jail in my life and I'll still get my ass torn up! Please, help me. I'll pay you back, I promise."

"Just like you promised them?"

"Ugh... I will. When I have the money, I'll give it to you."

Hank just snaps and raises his tone at him "When do you ever have money, you moron? I should let them do their thing. You're lucky you're my fuckin' friend. Where are you?"

Charlie licks his lips and sighs. Hank was right. "At my house. Just... can you come over?"

"Yeah. I'm on my way."

"Thanks, Hank. And... I mean that, buddy. Thanks alo-"

"Shut the fuck up."

"Right."


End file.
